By Peyton K. Dortch
I have always wrestled with the shame of being sensitive. I have heard all the advice. “Don’t sweat the small stuff”, “Don’t let it get under your skin”. All of it I have heard and tried to do. But I always fall back into my sensitive ways. I had an awakening while I was somberly taking a walk listening to Frank Ocean. What is so wrong with being sensitive? What’s wrong with feeling a lot? Frank Ocean is my favorite musician because his songs capture emotions effortlessly. They make me think of my own feelings. If Frank is allowed to be sensitive why am I am limiting myself?
For the longest time I did not recognize how sensitive I was. It was probably a mix of consciously not recognizing it and subconsciously. But I can put an estimate of when I realized it when I was in middle school. Like most people, middle school was the depths of hell. But it was especially terrible because I just felt so much. Every emotion hit me like a ton of bricks. I was never just a little melancholy; I was fully depressed. I was never just angry; I was filled with rage. Between hating myself and feeling like everyone hated me I was a complete mess. But I came to know that I was sensitive during this time. I was just one of those people that felt a lot. Ever since that realization I have actively tried to be less sensitive. Then the new buzzword “nonchalant” comes into the cultural zeitgeist. Now being nonchalant is the best thing to be. So like most people my age I also tried to be nonchalant. I tried to not care when a boy didn’t like me, I tried to not care when I lost friends. But all that did was make me more sensitive.
You may be wondering what my astrological sign is by now, I am a Pisces. Yes, as a water sign I can veer into the dramatics. But no matter what sign you are, you too can be sensitive. I argue that being sensitive is not a weakness but a strength. All of the best literature is written by people who are acutely aware of their feelings and thus they can write those feelings into the characters we love. The best actors of our time are sensitive to depicting emotions on the silver screen. But how could they do that without first being a sensitive person in the real world? The best musicians have a particular skill of writing lyrics to match an emotion. This takes introspection and sensitivity. The world needs sensitive people, people that aren’t afraid to wear their emotions on their sleeve.
To get philosophical for a second, what is a life lived without feeling? Who wants to go about life and not feel anything? That’s not a life, that’s a warm body. I want to sweat the small stuff. I want to let things get under my skin. I want to feel. I want to love. I want to be angry. I want to be sad. I want all these things because why not? Why go through life like a robot when I am not? I want to feel the depths of every emotion because that is also where wisdom is plundered. How would I come to know that I am sensitive without being sensitive to start with?
Another thing to consider. If you are actively trying to not be sensitive aren’t you then hyper aware of everything so as to control your emotions. Therefore, you are actually just being sensitive. To all my sensitive people out there, embrace it. And to people who aren’t, feel the feelings without fear. Watch a movie and cry. Listen to Frank Ocean and let a salty tear fall down your face. Get angry about something (within reason). Embrace having a crush on someone. Let the feelings come. Let it wash over you like a violent wave. Let the wave pull you out to sea. And when you come to shore let the remaining water stay on your skin, in your hair, soaking your clothes. Let the emotions run through your body without shame.
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